With all that’s going on these days one may be out of kindness, love and anything else to give. It’s easy to be more sensitive and reactive. A difficult person reacting and dumping their unhappy emotions on you or you yourself doing this to others. Either way, emotions, while they are transitory and passing, they can be complex and complicate things. You may feel contradictory feelings towards a person, or a situation and feel confused because of that. It is not abnormal to feel this way. As human beings we need a lot of knowledge and education about our own inner experiences. This education can come from books, therapy, meditation and or your own reflections. Tuning inwards and looking at different feelings is helpful. But sometimes these feelings are so real, so physical that makes it difficult to not be caught by them.
So, be patient. Know that they do pass if you let them. Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. A sensitive day for those of us who have lost our children. Having some compassion towards this is helpful. Compassion that arises from within is most effective.
I woke up this morning with this excruciating painful feeling and didn’t know what it was all about. My posture felt smaller, my inside felt warm, yet my arms cold. It was not a happy feeling. I realized it may be biological, physiological, psychological. My being is reacting to the role of motherhood and my wound of having lost my son is coming to surface of my consciousness. So, I reached out to my family, hoping someone could take this pain away. I cried, all along with no memories or thoughts, just feeling emotional pain. After being in it for a couple of hours, I realized no one can take this pain away. Once again, it comes back to myself and my responsibility to heal, to soothe and to move towards peacefulness. As soon as I realized this, it felt better. The heavy blanket of clouds lifted.
Then I realized that it wasn’t just grief that hit me, but also an interaction I had a couple of days ago with a difficult person. A person who is unaware of their impact. There was that residue, a mixture of painful emotions. So, now I had to do something about that pain as well. This is when I began to see that person as a suffering entity. One who is not skillful, not aware, unable at this juncture to see how they cause themselves and others hurt. Therefore, they would continue to cause themselves and others hurt and suffer for it.
My heart of compassion opened for them and then realized the only way that I can be free from all of this is to continue working on my own mind. From this understanding my dedication and determination to cleanse my mind and heart further increased.
Then, I recorded some reflections and offered a loving kindness meditation for the difficult person. In a way that could be possible to do. Here’s the link to it, if you’d like to listen to and try it out. Like and Subscribe to it so you get other uploads on the channel and future uploads.
Wishing you all a very Happy Mother’s Day. Enjoy your day with whoever you can and if no-one, you always have yourself by your side.